Today I covered the edges of my mirror with sticky notes. Each square has a different word I am using to describe myself. Every time I step in front of the mirror, my eyes wrap around the frame, taking in each uplifting expression.
Life has not always been this way. I’ve been struck with overwhelming anxiety, fear, and failure more than once. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Here’s something that’s been on my mind for the past 96 days: comparison. I’ve compared myself to other people’s size, fitness, skills, accomplishments and more. It’s been mentally exhausting.
If I’m being honest, comparison made me question everything I’d eaten, how long I’d worked out, and how hard I’d worked. It has changed my mood, along with the way I saw and treated others. This daily internal battle was stealing my joy.
I started trying to cut foods out of my diet. The more I tried to restrict, the more I craved those foods. It made my usual healthy decisions a chore instead of a choice. Besides, if you know me, you know I will devour anything chocolate.
I know this is minor compared to other girls or boys struggling with eating disorders. I don’t mean to trigger anyone.
I avoided the subject during my daily prayers. I thought, this is something physical, so I can handle it on my own. But I wanted to stop looking at myself and frowning. I wanted to stop feeling guilty for eating dessert. I didn’t see others for their inner beauty and gifts anymore.
But without the Lord’s grace, improvement would have been impossible. It wasn’t until I started diving into God’s word and being vulnerable in prayer that my mindset started to change. I’m learning to enjoy eating treats, be inspired by others, and love myself.
Now, my mirror reads “you are loved, enough, worthy, smart, creative, holy, respected, strong, funny, faithful, loyal, beautiful, powerful, a leader, epic, intelligent, kind, unique, original, capable, cherished, friendly, joyful, fit, responsible, passionate, a writer, determined, caring, sweet, confident, a Child of God!”
Additionally, I’ve learned I don’t need to be at the end of a journey to talk about what I’ve been going through. No, I don’t think I will stop comparing simply because I have made the decision. But I know someone stronger, more forgiving, and mightier who knows my worth. I need to I stop defining myself by my appearance, and start reminding myself God calls me tov meod, the best of the best of the very very best!
Love yourself, friends. Know that God loves you more than you could ever imagine.