Life

Let the Lord Into Your Struggles

Today I covered the edges of my mirror with sticky notes. Each square has a different word I am using to describe myself. Every time I step in front of the mirror, my eyes wrap around the frame, taking in each uplifting expression.

Life has not always been this way. I’ve been struck with overwhelming anxiety, fear, and failure more than once. But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Here’s something that’s been on my mind for the past 96 days: comparison. I’ve compared myself to other people’s size, fitness, skills, accomplishments and more. It’s been mentally exhausting.

If I’m being honest, comparison made me question everything I’d eaten, how long I’d worked out, and how hard I’d worked. It has changed my mood, along with the way I saw and treated others. This daily internal battle was stealing my joy.

I started trying to cut foods out of my diet. The more I tried to restrict, the more I craved those foods. It made my usual healthy decisions a chore instead of a choice. Besides, if you know me, you know I will devour anything chocolate.

I know this is minor compared to other girls or boys struggling with eating disorders. I don’t mean to trigger anyone.

I avoided the subject during my daily prayers. I thought, this is something physical, so I can handle it on my own. But I wanted to stop looking at myself and frowning. I wanted to stop feeling guilty for eating dessert. I didn’t see others for their inner beauty and gifts anymore.

But without the Lord’s grace, improvement would have been impossible. It wasn’t until I started diving into God’s word and being vulnerable in prayer that my mindset started to change. I’m learning to enjoy eating treats, be inspired by others, and love myself.

Now, my mirror reads “you are loved, enough, worthy, smart, creative, holy, respected, strong, funny, faithful, loyal, beautiful, powerful, a leader, epic, intelligent, kind, unique, original, capable, cherished, friendly, joyful, fit, responsible, passionate, a writer, determined, caring, sweet, confident, a Child of God!”

Additionally, I’ve learned I don’t need to be at the end of a journey to talk about what I’ve been going through. No, I don’t think I will stop comparing simply because I have made the decision. But I know someone stronger, more forgiving, and mightier who knows my worth. I need to I stop defining myself by my appearance, and start reminding myself God calls me tov meod, the best of the best of the very very best!

Love yourself, friends. Know that God loves you more than you could ever imagine.

Stay positive,

Rachel

9 Comments

  • Aunt Jill

    Add “inspiring” to the list of words that describe you! You ARE amazing! I brag about you to anyone who will listen. You inspire me every day Rachel. Love you!

  • Colleen Monroe

    you are amazing and brave…..it takes alot for me to call someone a hero but you can add that to the mirror too!

  • Sarah Chirichigno

    Rachel,

    You are beautiful inside and out. God has shown himself to me through you. I remember you saying your prayers before bed each time I babysat you. You, as a young child, inspired me, as a teenager. And now you, as a young adult, inspire me as a young (but older) adult (lol). So proud of you and cannot wait to continue watching you grow on your journey.

    Love,
    Sarah

  • Nana

    Wow Rachel as I read your words in I have tears coming down my face because I never thought of you any other way than what you have on your mirror now. But I also know you’re not alone with what you feel and think. I personally have spent a lifetime trying to be a better person and believing that I am intelligent Even though I didn’t go to college. I know people tell you lots of words of encouragement but until you feel it yourself it’s really hard. Keep praying my precious child you are loved way more than you know . God saved you For a reason.
    BELIEVE 😘😘😍😘

  • papa

    Squirrel – Saturday night 8/25 was so special. You were so full of joy. Your stories about camp and your interactions with the kids were delightful. I think you have found your passion. Teaching kids makes you shine. Go with it along with your writing. You can do both. Love you!!! 😇

  • Papa

    You are the best SQUIRREL!!!

    God Loves You – that’s all one needs to know, but so do I as do many more.

    Now stop comparing – everyone is different. Plus everyone likes different things. So what is best? It’s all a matter of personnel opinion.

    Now go out and Love yourself for who you are. Hey, I even like my crooked toes and bald head.

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